The biggest secret to being a great lover is
simply to relax and enjoy. Take your time and savor each
moment, each touch, feel and movement as you might savor a good
wine. Become a gourmet love maker with a romantic
attitude of love and adoration for your partner. Get rid of
hang-ups and allow yourself to do what is very natural.
Don't be shy, it's okay to talk about sex things. Tell and show your
partner what feels good to you.
When making love focus your
attentions on pleasing and pleasuring your lover. If there are no
mental or emotional blocks, nature will return the favor allowing
you to derive the greatest pleasures of lovemaking. If there are
emotional blocks, such as impotence, premature ejaculation or lack
of sexual desire, to your lovemaking, they won't go away by
themselves, get professional help.
VS ORDINARY SEX
Making love, romantic love, as
compared to having sex, is vastly different. Making love is
significantly more pleasurable. Compare it to having filet minion or
a cheap hamburger. You can have a hamburger anytime and just gobble
it down. But a steak like filet minion, you will savor and enjoy.
Making love is the filet minion of sexual intercourse. You can have
SEX anytime. By yourself or with a partner. Your body will respond
well enough for you to engage in the sex act and have a sexual
climax but that is not lovemaking.
Romantic lovemaking on the
other hand, can be an all day affair with subtle hints at favors to
be shared later. Every look, touch, word (even on the phone) can
have loving and sensual undertones filled with images and
anticipated pleasures. By the end of the day when you finally do get
together it will be "your dreams come true."
evenings, with a bottle of wine, crackers and cheese add to the
intensity of anticipated pleasures. Cuddling and fondling can go a
long way towards making your fantasies come true. It is the dreaming
and planning which builds desire. Do it often.
these don't just go away by themselves
have to take some action to help yourself
What is preventing you from having a GREAT sex
life? STRESS could be. Stress is the number one problem in
relationships and comes in many forms. Wherever the cause of the
stress, workplace, home environment, lack of money, possibly the
relationship itself, stressful emotions can put a cap on sex,
and romantic lovemaking just doesn't happen.
solutions to stress are as varied as the problems of stress. It is
important to recognize your stress and how it is effecting your
relationship. Ask yourself, what are some of the things I can
change? What do I have to accept as an unchangeable reality? What
are some of the stressful things in my life I cannot change? Am I
unnecessarily reacting and up tight about the pressures of life?
When and what am I going to do about the things I can change?
Make a plan and just do it.
effective and simple solution to handling everyday stress
problems, such as the pressures at work, is to learn some relaxation
techniques, meditation or SELF-HYPNOSIS. You
can also use an audio recording like POWERNAP that
will help you to relax at the end of your day paving the way to a
much more loving relationship. When you're not stressed, you're much
more open to making love.
ANGER AND ARGUMENTSl DON'T lend themselves
to romantic lovemaking. No one wants to make love after being yelled
at or being made to feel sub-human. If and when your partner has
yelling or screaming fits he or she is out of control.
Don't yell back. If you raise your voice you will lose control
as well. You have a better chance of resolving the moment by keeping
your voice down. This will effectively keep you much more in
control. Talk it out later when they are calmer.
Communications are very important in maintaining a loving
relationship. I believe it was Plato who said, "Falling in love is
easy. Keeping it is more difficult." Want to keep the
Anger and rage that is
either too frequent or excessive for the present situation usually
has its origin deeply rooted in the past. Anger destroys lovemaking
and destroys relationships. Get deep-seated anger cleared
up. Learn more
about negative emotions.
Resentment is much like anger in that it is
emotionally stored, like a stack of dirty dishes on top of the
other. Each new "incident" compounds the annoyance.
The definition of resentment is to feel or express indignant
displeasure at something you regard as wrong, insulting or injurious
either to yourself or others. Do The
Paperwork Now and Start Lovin' Again
Resentment can drag on for a
long time poisoning everything and everyone in its path.
Your relationship falls apart, sexual desires diminish or just
go away and the lives of those around you often becomes a living
It requires a great deal of energy to feed and
refuel resentment. Like a railroad train, once those feelings
are set into motion stopping them on your own can be virtually
impossible. The "offender(s)" will never be able to stop
your resentment since they are the reason for your feelings of
annoyance. It's up to you.
It seems that nothing anyone says
or does will correct the injustices that they have inflicted on you.
Resentment gets played over and over again in your head at
real or imagined injustices making them seem worse and
making you more emotional. There becomes little or no room for
genuine communication in or out of the bedroom. Don't expect
to have great sex until you resolve those feelings of resentment.
Solutions to resentment can come from forgiveness a
little bit of resolution therapy and a desire to be happy again.
Perhaps we can help you rekindle that inner core of happiness with
sessions in the comfort of your home.
We argue because we disagree. People argue because
they disagree. It is because each person thinks they are right.
Consider the possibility that you may be wrong. Look at the argument
from the other person's viewpoint. How important is it for you to be
"right?" Sit down and discuss the issue rationally. Agree on points
that are not so important to you. Arguing with your partner
will normally shutdown any possibilities of good sex, never mind
If you disagree with your partner
on anything, be willing to sit down and discuss it. I suggest you
get naked, sit in the middle of the bed with your legs crossed
facing each other. Only three rules.
- 1. Do not allow phone calls, or any other disturbance to
interfere with the negotiations.
- 2. No sleep until a mutually agreeable solution is found.
- 3. No sex until the problem is solved to each person's
To make it work, listen to the other
person's point of view and find a compromise that will work for both
of you. When couples are unable to settle their differences of
opinion, is when relationships fall apart.
THE CHATTER AND DEMANDS OF CHILDREN can present
roadblocks to the romance you may have known in your "pre-children"
years. Hint: With younger children put them to bed earlier so you
have some evening time to romance each other. With older and more
inquisitive children, schedule seductive, all night trips away from
home for love, passion and premeditated lovemaking. Escape from the
pressures of everyday activities and take time for yourselves. Go
out on a date every couple of weeks for a weekend to remember.
Men: Take your lady out on a date for dinner and an
overnight at a local hotel or motel with dinner can go a long ways.
Be romantic and remember to send or bring flowers.
Ladies: Your man is taking you out on a date and
wants to seduce you. Help him. Toss out the old flannel nightie and
replace it with something that will be exciting for both of you.
Dress to be undressed. Enjoy the dinner and find only good things
about the evening. Expect to make passionate Love.
be sure to make time for yourself and your partner. Your good lovin'
The first time a man loses and erection or does not
get an erection he panics. He feels like he has lost his manhood and
fears it will never come back. Guys, it is normal to lose an
erection or maybe not even get an erection once in a great
while. Age typically is not a problem. Men have sired children in
their 70's and 80's and you can too!
If you are having an
erection problem check with your medical doctor first. If
there are no medical reason for your problem then it's
probably all in your head and we can fix that! There are a
couple of good reasons why you may be having difficulty getting an
On the extreme edge, you may be with or
have been with, what I call a castrating female. She belittles you
and demands you perform more, better or differently. Even if she is
no longer in your life, you may find "performing" for your new lover
Guilt is an erection killer. Very often
guys will have a problem getting an erection when out with someone
other than their wife. When they get home and attempt to make love
with the wife, guilt over their affair overcomes them and their
penis fails them.
Face it guys sometimes sex is not as
exciting as you thought it might be and you lose interest. If
you lost interest or maybe just didn't feel like having sex, you may
lose your erection or not even get one.
fright, like her boyfriend walking in, causes you to lose the
erection. The next time you are in a sexual situation, you remember
losing your erection and you began to worry about that happening
again. You never worried about losing an erection before that
incident but since then all you worry about is not getting or losing
the erection. Guess what happens? That's right. HINT: Focus on all
the times you have gotten an erection instead.
If you get
an erection in your sleep or when looking at the playboy centerfold.
If you get and maintain an erection during masturbation, impotence
is all in your head and can be corrected.
Having a problem with premature ejaculation (PE)
really limits the fun you and your partner can have. Typically a
PE occurs just before or immediately after vaginal penetration.
Anxiety of premature ejaculation or a fear of ruining the sexual
encounter with a PE is the usual cause. Anxiety and fear only
increase the chances for a PE. As with erection problems, if there
is no medical reason for PE then it simply must be some
inappropriate thinking which is keeping you from some serious
lovemaking. This is correctable.
NO SEXUAL DESIRE
While not exclusive to women, a lack of sexual
desire tends to be more of a feminine trait. It may be simply
because the man in her life is not romancing her the way he use to.
Perhaps too many meaningless sexual encounters have left her
expecting little or no pleasure, so the attitude is "why bother?"
Often the stress and tension of everyday life, work, kids, laundry,
cooking, etc. leave little room for sex, never mind lovemaking.
Sometimes the troubles are deeper. Possible sexual
molestation as a youngster, rape, an ineffective or uncaring partner
in the past. Mother may have taught her that sex was dirty and only
a duty to be endured. Some religions have a very intolerant attitude
about sex scaring the young child with possible fear or loathing of
sex. If the religious impressions are deep enough they can suppress
normal sexual response as an adult. Too much pain at childbirth and
a hidden anxiety of making more babies can destroy lovemaking even
when precautions are taken.
Unless there is an apparent
physical problem, the inability to enjoy sexual intercourse lies not
between your legs, but between your ears. Healthy women should be
able to enjoy making love as much or even more than men. As a woman
you owe it to yourself to frequently experience the joys of
Review the information about Private
Sessions then Do The
Paperwork and Email it to me along with some information that
will help me understand your specific need.
You could spend many fruitless months and years
of embarrassing talk about your sex problems with a psychologist or
a sex counselor. The results, while they sound promising, are
too often disappointing. The reason? Traditional approaches may
agree that your troubles are all in your subconscious mind, but
their therapy is normally directed towards making conscious change.
If you could have made the change consciously, you would have
already done it yourself! They will ask you to talk about
embarrassing things, perform "sex exercises" then report back with
details of the exercise.
Dr. Gagnon's Mind StrategyTM
solutions are more appropriate. The problems you have are not
conscious, that is you don't do what you do on purpose do you? No of
course not, the problem is subconscious. We help you to reprogram
your unconscious mind where the problem has been. Soon, sooner than
you would expect, you will be enjoying sexual activity more than
If your sex problems are traumatic and deeply
rooted in rage, anger,
sadness, shame, guilt and/or betrayal as a result
of sexual abuse or rape, look towards a few private
sessions in the privacy of your home. In most cases
we can help you to rapidly clear whatever has been blocking your
peak sexual performance so you can fully enjoy your
Paperwork Now and Start Lovin' Again
I am so confident that I can make a difference in
your life that if, after the first visit, you have not experienced
improvement I will not charge you for our time in that session and
there will be no further obligation on your part.
Problems like this don't just go away, they
usually get worse over time.
Isn't it time you did something about it once and
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION HERE
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